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Be Your Own Best Boyfriend

February 11, 2016


(I picked these up at the market yesterday. Who’s in charge of printing at the candy heart factory? Autograph your work with excellence, people…)




Let’s jump right into this pre-Valentine’s Day weekend post by having a smallish tête-á-tête about something less than socially savory, shall we? Let’s talk about a little old thing called Loneliness. Stay with me, okay? This won’t end in tears.


Ah, Loneliness, you great humbler of men and maker of doing irrational things. Irrational text messages…Irrational drive-bys…Irrational numbers of rom-coms…Irrational Dashboard Confessionally themed playlists (I don’t actually have one of those. I draw the line in the sands of wallowing before I even get close to Dashboard. Infidelity screaming hair? Ew…).


At this point in life hopefully we are all savvy to the fact that just because we’re in a relationship that doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re NOT lonely. (We’re specifically talking about romantic relationships because ‘tis the emphasis of the season!)


“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel alone.”

                                                                                                          -Robin Williams


Also, just because you’re not in a relationship that doesn’t mean that you’re lonely. But I think that’s rare to not feel it at some level. It is for me anyway. There’s no need to be brave and pretend that you don’t hope for romantic love and connection. After all, that’s one of the major reasons for this existence, right? To be loved? To be connected? So, be lonely. It’s cool. We’ve all been there. But do it in style, okay? This is 2016. Relief from acute loneliness is a swipe to the right away. Be careful. Be classy. Style, Lovers. Style.


“Usually we regard loneliness as an enemy. Heartache is not something we choose to invite in. It’s restless and pregnant and hot with the desire to escape and find something or someone to keep us company. When we rest in the middle, we begin to have a nonthreatening relationship with loneliness, a relaxing and cooling loneliness that completely turns our usual fearful patterns upside down.”

                                                                                                                 -Pema Chödrön


Don’t you love that? I will tell you this, it’s easy to read it. It’s difficult to live it. But there again, I think it’s okay to feel that it is difficult. Here is what I am suggesting. I say we throw out grasping to escape that feeling of loneliness with whatever our escape plans usually are, and only we know what that is for each of us individually. It’s our thing that helps us numb and desensitize to discomfort. So, uh, let’s just not this time. Remember…Style.


I’ve read from several different authors lately about this concept of “leaning in” to what you’re feeling. There is so much to be learned when we lean in to an an emotion. Deconstruct it. See what is really there. I’ve been practicing this in the last few months. I don’t think that I’ll ever master it because I’m human, but I am getting better. Time and time again I find that once I’ve deconstructed an emotion to brass tacks, to see what I’m REALLY feeling, all that is left is a need to apply more love (Or sometimes it’s to apply a snack.). The only person here on earth who will always be there to give me what I need is me. So, I’m going to be my own best boyfriend. Always. Mind you, this isn’t me finding a replacement. I’m not a “girl power”, “who needs boys” kind of girl. Nope. Power to everyone and I LOVE boys!  Mmmhmm… Love ’em. This is just creating a serious energy of love around myself. What I put out comes back, right? For a lonely situation, or even in a not so lonely situation, what can I do to be that love? First, I’d put me right in the tub with a bath bomb and a book. Then I’d move on to rubbing my feet and toes, mani, pedi (Not that all boyfriends will give you a pedi, though one of mine did once and it was hilarious and pretty dang good, actually…), I can make myself a tasty, healthy dinner, dress up and go out, take a nap, go to a new yoga class… Those are some of my go-tos. Pretty much whatever I can do to romance Charlotte’s brains out and truly show her how much I love her.


Okay. That’s my Valentine’s Day message. I may be way off, but it resonates with me. If you need a hug this weekend you know how to find me.


FYI: On National Hug Day we US citizens learned that 20 seconds of hugging releases serotonin and oxytocin. The happy hormones! Depending on who you are ’20 seconds-ing’, it could be the best or most awkward hug of your life. Peace and Love and LEANING to you, Lovers!


Juicy Jam Session: You Make Me Feel Like Dancing by Leo Sayer. Dedicate it to yourself, Darling.


For my Bookworms: PLEASE read Alchemy of the Heart by Elizabeth Clare Prophet. Read it slow and savor the goodness.


*Happening this Saturday night at Free Spirit Yoga: Hearts Open yoga class brought to you by yours truly. Details on my FB page. Just scroll on down a few posts until you see a picture of my favorite necklace. Then read that post.

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